Learning from Life

I like to read. It's not always easy to find the time. Since my computer is a central part of my life, I find that most of my reading these days is done on the internet - blogs, websites, email. While interesting and thought provoking this type of reading isn't the most thought provoking. For that I turn to books. My books of choice are the autobiographical.

On my bedside table are 3 books that have interested me since I first heard of them. They are The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, Scratch Beginnings by Adam Shepard and How Starbucks Saved My Life by Michael Gates Gill. These are all books by men who have chosen to focus on what can be learned from life. The choices we make directly affect how we live, whether our dreams are fulfilled and what kind of people we become.
Recently I finished reading The Last Lecture. In case you haven't heard it is the story of a man who finds out that he is terminally ill with cancer. He has time to prepare his family and himself for his impending death. And he is invited to give a final lecture at one of the places where he was a college professor. It was the perfect opportunity for him to think of his legacy. The lesson I took away from this book is that enjoying life involves making conscious choices. For Randy, childhood dreams were central to his life. In that respect I can't relate. My most prominent childhood dream was to become a barmaid. Thankfully, things have changed since then.

Life can happen to you or you can be a participant and be cognitively aware of the good things going on around you. Sure there is sin and ugliness and we need to know about those things, but they don't need to consume us. Determining to recognize and focus on the blessings of life is worth the energy. God has brought many things into our life to show his love for us. Not acknowledging them is akin to turning your back to God. Not good.

As I read these books and share in their stories I can't help but internalize their conclusions and ask myself some tough questions. What can I do to help myself be a better person? What choices do I need to evaluate and rethink? Are there some changes that I need to make? What skills do I want to learn? What are my dreams? What motivates me? Where do my standards and ethics come from? How do I treat people? What attitudes need to be diminished/expanded? And always...what am I thankful for?

Simple Things

I supposed I'm not quite as prolific a blogger as I should/could be. It's been a few weeks and I have no good reason for not posting. Life has not been any busier than normal.

On this rainy morning in So Cal I decided to listen to make some cranberry muffins, do some ironing and listen to a sermon online.

Here are the muffins -




The sermon was from my church, First Baptist Lakewood. It was the sermon that was preached last week by a guest speaker.

The focus was on Entitlement. That's a timely topic in these tough economic times. But it was even more timely for me since I've been feeling pretty entitled lately. I've had no qualms about my daily trips for convenience food to places like Starbucks, It's a Grind, Dairy Barn, 7-11...you get the idea. Just the term convenience store reeks of entitlement.It's so easy to fall into the habit of indulging "just this once." (I think this could be a contributing factor to my upward weight creep - but I digress.)

Life seems hectic and crazy and the words, "I deserve," inch their way slowing into my thinking until I can justify just about anything I want. Not good. This sermon was a reminder that all I have is a gift and the most precious gift that has been given to me is salvation. I don't deserve it. I didn't earn it. I was simple chosen to receive it. As much as I'd like to understand all the theology in that statement, it just seems to allude me. But, by faith, I believe it. And I'm thankful for it.

I'm also thankful for this rainy morning when I can make muffins, do some ironing and enjoy the quiet of my home.

What r u thankful 4?

Time Flies

As I embrace the new year I am excited with all the potential it holds. There are so many quilts to be made, so many laughs to share, and so many opportunities for change. What will make this year different? Hopefully a priority shift. Yes, a clean house is nice, but so is a soul that's been nurtured. Which one of those things will get most of my time? We'll see. Change doesn't come easily. But with awareness of the need comes the beginning of change.

As I look back on 2008 I am thankful for the times I shared with friends. It became important to me to take control of my relationship destiny. Instead of waiting for time to open up to spend with friends I scheduled it. It wasn't much, but it was enough to stay connected. I'm hopeful that 2009 will have more friend time.

I'm also thankful for the changes that have taken place at my church. It seems that we have turned a corner and are headed down a path that is more in line with the way I'm bent theologically. I've been highly involved in a particular ministry and have learned a lot from that involvement. As I face the new year, I'm hopeful that I will be able to spend a little less time in that endeavor and a little more time in the worship service. Again, it's up to me to make sure that happens. The situation won't change without prayer, effort and ingenuity.

I have grown to appreciate my kids in new ways. They are changing into adults and are coming to their own conclusions about a variety of things. As we have conversations I find that I'm listening more and talking less. I'm getting to know them more intimately and allowing them the freedom to make their own choices. Sometimes (heck - most of the time!) it's difficult to not intervene, but mistakes and missteps are great teachers. And besides that, I'm really not an authority on e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. And they are quick to remind me of that.

I have come to the conclusion that I need to not hold so tightly to some things. I need to not care so much. My caring is sometimes out of proportion to that of others involved or that task at hand. I find that I often get more deeply involved than necessary in hopes of making a difference, but perhaps that's not my role in every endeavor. Perhaps it's not my place to make a difference, but to get the job done and check out. What a concept! The idea of putting more energy into my passions and less into the tasks of life is really new to me. This will be where I plan to make changes - not hope, but plan.

As I watch 2008 growing small in the distance I greet 2009 with the knowledge that time flies and I want to make the best of that time.

What r u thankful 4?

Gaining Perspective from a Movie

I was feeling a little sorry for myself and in a little bit of a pity party funk. I could see what was going on and I knew I needed to shake myself out of it.

Changing my focus didn't come as easily as I'd liked. I tries quiet meditation - it turned to stewing. I tried active busywork - it was a distraction for a short time. The underlying issue just kept rearing it's ugly head. As I went about the day and began focusing on all that I have to be grateful for the funk eventually worked itself out. I was on my way to a renewed attitude.

It was with this experience that I took in The Pursuit of Happyness.
I wasn't sure what to expect. I'd heard that it was a movie about a homeless guy who became a stock broker. I must say it was a little tough to watch at times. Will Smith's character Chris is working his butt off and trying to be the man he needs to be to support his family. Already I liked him.

But life's not working for him. The money isn't coming in. He's making poor choices. He's conflicted. Then an opportunity for change presents itself. The cost is high. His wife leaves him, he loses his home, and he must struggle to come up with money for the most basic necessities of life while he trains for his possible new job and cares for his young son. His love for his son and his desire to provide him with the father he never had pushes him along on this journey. There is a scene where he is cradling his sleeping son in a subway bathroom while holding the door shut with his foot as someone bangs on it. Tears stream down his face. He would do anything for his son.

Well... my petty problems just slammed into perspective. I have so much to be thankful for -

• our home complete with furniture, food, clothes and heating in a good neighborhood


• my immediate family, who is in good health and gets along


• my extended family, who is near and far (but basically healthy and in good shape)


• my job, which is a nice fit for my life right now with great people financial freedom, no debt and a contingency fund that can help us through just about any rough patch


• friends who love me and care about me


• access to good medical care and healing medications


• frivolous stuff like TV, quilting, good books, restaurants, reliable cars, etc.

Sometimes a good movie can really put things in perspective.

What r u thankful 4?

The Goal of Life

Oh how I wish I could "do it all." There just don't seem to be enough hours in the day. Perhaps that's because the goal is perfection not enjoyment. Is being the perfect mom, wife, homemaker, employee, blogger really what's important to me? I'm afraid to say that is what my subconscious tells me more often than not. It goes something like this - anything worth doing is worth doing perfectly (or just don't even try). In reality I know that perfection is not attainable. Yet I let its lure rob me of the joy of the moment. I need to stop that.

Recently I've been on a Food Network kick. Watching those shows - like Paula's Party, The Neely's Down Under, Rachel Ray - isn't so much about the food for me. Yes, I'm hoping to pick up a few pointers on cooking, because mine is atrocious. But I really watch them because the people have infectious, happy personalities and really seem to enjoy life.

It would seem to me that the people who have perfection as a goal don't look like they are enjoying life. They are too busy trying to live up to some lofty standard that few, if any, care about. When I think to the end of my days and wonder if I'll be able to hear the chatter at my funeral I don't want to hear people talk about my perfectly clean house or how excellently I sewed stuff or even what great shape I'm in (not). I would hope to hear them say that I was a happy person who enjoyed laughter and enjoyed life. Now that's a goal!

I'm thankful for the freedom to choose what kind of life I'll have.

What r u thankful 4?

To-Do List

It's so nice to complete a task that has been on my to-do list for a while. It wasn't a have-to-do. It was more of a want-to-do. I have a few Christmas gifts I'd like to make for family members. I just haven't been able to get to the sewing machine. I'm not sure if it's a real time shortage, a plethora of distractions or some sort of sewers block, but I wasn't creating anything new.

I certainly don't lack for projects so that's not the problem. I seem to find time for the mending, but not for the sewing - not for the fun stuff. Only by making myself start the project was I able to get motivated to finish it. It didn't even take very long...only a few hours.

That perfectionist in me wants to have everything I make turn out perfectly. My inner realist tells me to forget perfection and shoot for completion. As I sewed I realized that it's about neither perfection nor completion, but it's about enjoyment.

Sewing is what I enjoy. I tend to put it off until all the work is done. But life keeps whizzing by and I keep working and the enjoyment (sewing) keeps getting postponed indefinitely. Sometimes for me the tough choice is the decision to play - to let the floor stay dirty, leave the laundry in the basket, let the bills sit and focus on something that is just for me. It's funny how playing hooky from daily responsibilities feels so indulgent, even if it's only for a morning. But that's what I did - indulge, play hooky, sew, and make a Christmas gift. Yeah!

I'm thankful that I have the ability and freedom to exercise my passions. God has made me a creative being and given me the resources to explore that creativity. Sewing needs to make it on my to-do list more often.

Want to see what I made?



What r u thankful 4?

Gratification

I attended a wedding recently. After the wedding there was a lovely reception complete with cake and dancing. But mostly there was a lot of time. A couple hundred guests attended - some I knew, many I didn't. I've known a small group of people there for about 30 years and I'm not that old!

As I was mixing and mingling I ran into a gal from my church who also happened to be a Sunday School teacher for my kids back when they were in Kindergarten. She was coming at me with focus in her eyes. She needed to tell me something...something important.

It seems that in the church service a few weeks back she spied my son being chivalrous and was so impressed that she felt compelled to share all the details with me. It went something like this -

There was an older woman in sitting in service near the back of the auditorium. She sensed that the service was coming to a close and arose to leave, walker in hand. As she neared the door to exit, my son was waiting to hold the door open for her. He smiled and wished her well before as she departed and then went back to his seat unaware that he was being watched. The onlooking Sunday School teacher was so impressed that an 18-year-old had been paying attention as well as actually made a move to help the older woman.

I think she had a few reasons for telling me about this incident. You see she is the mother of 5 children, four of which are boys, who are all grown up now. She understands that for a boy to attend to the need of another he has to be trained in sensitivity and manners. She remembers my son as being a high energy kid with a big heart. She was pleased to see that energy had channelled itself into productive behaviour. I'm sure she also remembers how nice it was to hear good reports about her boys and wanted to be the bearer of one of those reports to another mother. I don't think a mother ever tires of hearing such tales about her child.

As I listened my sense of pride in my son grew exponentially. He's a good kid (now actually a young adult) and other people think so too. Wikipedia says that gratification is the positive emotional response of happiness in response to a fulfillment of a desire. And what mother doesn't desire to have her child grow up to be this kind of adult?